Jiah

For Jiah

When we're 16 or 18, there's a certain plan we have for our  lives. Its an innocent timeline, reflecting our ambition, notion of self-worth and deep-seated desires. Mine perhaps read like this... Degree at 20, first job at 22, world fame at 25,first mansion at 28, private jet at 30, married to an awesome person with the face of Barbie's Ken and Salman Rushdie's intellect at 31.  

Unfortunately life doesn't work on our time-table. Perhaps free-will is debatable, perhaps an Entity or God pulls the strings, perhaps life is a dream that we have in a deep-divine slumber. 

Basically, there occurs what I have come to understand as, a quarter life crisis. And when one places ones young self in the tumultuous context of the film industry it gets even worse.

An actor faces more rejection in a single day than most people do in the course of an entire year. It could be our nose, body weight, sense of style, the car we drive, the accent we have, the texture of the hair, whether we giggle too much or seem too approachable or aloof or the people we work with. There is a mask of diplomacy and an exterior one creates to defend ourselves or our perception. 

And there is the hopeless loneliness of the 20s. Friends  assume that one would  change after success, and detach. Relationships get harder to keep. Relative anonymity gives way to being always being seen and heard. Theres no dearth of alcohol ready 'buddies' or fake 4 am friends or booty calls. If for some reason,your bond with family or loved ones is weak,there's trouble. Theres now-or-never adage at play when it come to careers. A constant race of some sort is always on. The mind is active, even as one sleeps. It's a world where we're all victims of victims, and one that's seductive and destructive at the same time.  

 We were in Jalandhar promoting a film, when post midnight, while checking twitter trends someone read out this devastating piece of news. 

Jiah's  departure stunned me. 

I had met her once, briefly, during an awards ceremony and clicked several pictures of her, with a friend, who was a common acquaintance. We had chatted for a while. She looked ethereal. But her eyes were sad. That was it.

A suicide note has been released, pointedly putting the blame on a bad romance. The industry is shocked. People believe it was partly work related as well. Now, accusations will fly, someone will get arrested, the Press will have a field-day but life will go on. And it is. 

Sports and entertainment are two industries where the premium is on youth. Yet these are the two fields that dole out the most stress.  DOES NO ONE GET THAT? 

While we are babies, the world is patient with us. Each chuckle is appreciated by a stray passer-bye, ridiculous dawdles are lauded as works of art, our baby-steps become giant-leaps for our doting parents and the world at large.  At which point does society or adults or do we decide that there is no longer a need to be loving? That it is ok be cold and apathetic but one must be pragmatic and controlled? 

Whenever I hear of Nafisa Joesph, Kuljeet Randhawa, Amy Winehouse, Brittany Murphy and now Jiah, it saddens me. But what scares me is that I understand.  I was too disturbed even to write this piece, though it's been brewing within me for a week. 

May your departure make us all more compassionate. May you smile your luminous smile upon reading all the farewell notes you've got. Jiah,you were truly exceptional, but exceptions are mostly misunderstood. 

 Shine on. 

ps - I wrote this about a week/ten days ago,still relevant sadly.